Understanding Parental Alienation: What It Is and How to Handle It During Divorce

Parental alienation can sneak up on any parent or child with lasting implications both emotionally and legally. Parental alienation is a serious and emotionally damaging phenomenon that can have long-lasting effects on both the children and the parents involved. We are going to define parental alienation, explore its signs, and offer strategies for handling it during the divorce process.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately tries to turn the child against the other parent, often through manipulation, negative talk, or other tactics that undermine the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. This behavior can create a rift between the child and the alienated parent, leading to strained or even severed relationships.

What are the key aspects to Parental Alienation?

1. Manipulation: The alienating parent may manipulate the child into believing that the other parent is untrustworthy, unloving, or harmful.
2. Badmouthing: Constantly speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child, making them feel that they must choose sides.
3. Undermining Authority: The alienating parent may undermine the other parent’s authority, disregarding their rules or decisions, making the child question the alienated parent’s role.
4. Creating Fear or Anxiety: The child may be led to believe that spending time with the alienated parent is dangerous or upsetting, causing them to avoid contact.
5. Parental alienation can have severe consequences, including emotional distress for the child, damaged parent-child relationships, and long-term psychological issues. Recognizing and addressing it early is crucial to protecting the well-being of everyone involved.

What are the signs of Parental Alienation?

1. Sudden Change in Attitude: The child may suddenly develop negative feelings or hostility toward the alienated parent, which is inconsistent with their prior relationship.
2. Unwillingness to Visit: The child may resist or refuse to spend time with the alienated parent, often citing reasons that seem influenced by the other parent.
3. Unjustified Rejection: The child may reject the alienated parent without clear or logical reasons, often repeating phrases or ideas that seem rehearsed or are being repeatedly told to them by the other parent.
4. Polarized Views: The child may begin to see one parent as entirely good and the other as entirely bad, with no room for nuance or understanding.
5. Defending the Alienating Parent: The child may excessively defend the alienating parent’s actions or attitudes, even when they are clearly harmful or unfair.

These signs can vary in intensity, but they all point to the possibility of parental alienation, and they should not be ignored.

How do you handle Parental Alienation in a divorce case?

1. Document Everything

Keep detailed records of any instances of alienating behavior. This can include emails, text messages, legally recorded conversations, or notes about specific incidents (with dates and times). This documentation can be crucial if you need to present evidence in court.

2. Communicate with Your Child

Try to maintain open and honest communication with your child. Reassure them of your love and commitment, and encourage them to express their feelings, no matter how hurtful or illogical it seems. Always avoid criticizing the other parent, as this can exacerbate the situation and confuse the child.

3. Seek Professional Help

Engaging a family therapist or counselor who specializes in parental alienation can be incredibly beneficial. A professional can work with both you and your child to rebuild trust and address the emotional impact of the alienation.  An experienced family law and divorce attorney can guide you in selecting the right professionals (Jennifer R. Ward, WARD FAMILY LAW, LLC at 312-803-5838 and jward@wardfamilylawchicago.com)

4. Consider Court Intervention

With the proper guidance of your family law attorney, if the alienation is severe and affecting your relationship with your child, it may be necessary to involve the court. Family courts take parental alienation seriously, and judges can order interventions such as appointment of guardians and child representatives, psych evaluations, therapy, or changes in parenting time or decision-making arrangements to protect the child’s best interests.

5. Stay Positive and Patient

Parental alienation is a deeply challenging issue, but it’s important to remain positive and patient. Continue to show up for your child, even if they seem distant or unresponsive. Over time, with the right support and interventions, it’s possible to repair and restore your relationship.

6. Educate Yourself and Others

Understanding parental alienation and educating others about its signs and consequences can help prevent it from escalating. Sharing information with friends, family members, or even the court can bring more awareness to the issue and support your efforts to combat it.

7. Focus on Co-Parenting Strategies

Even in the midst of alienation, it’s crucial to focus on co-parenting strategies that prioritize the child’s well-being. This might include setting clear boundaries, creating a structured parenting plan, and working with an attorney, parenting plan coordinator, or mediator to facilitate communication and cooperation between you and the other parent.

Parental alienation is a complex and emotionally charged issue that can have devastating effects on families. However, by recognizing the signs early and taking proactive steps to address it, parents can protect their relationship with their child and work towards a healthier, more positive co-parenting dynamic. Remember, the ultimate goal is to ensure that your child feels loved, supported, and secure, even as you navigate the challenges of divorce.