At some point in every woman’s life she will enter a phase, interestingly enough, that encompasses a large portion of her life: perimenopause. This can go on for months or years, typically in late forties to mid-fifties, bringing a range of physical, emotional, hormonal, and psychological changes. Interestingly, this life stage often coincides with a notable increase in divorce rates in this age range, prompting my question about the potential link between perimenopause and divorce rates.
Perimenopause is generally characterized by hormonal fluctuations that can lead to a variety of symptoms, including hot flashes, night sweats, irritability, mood swings, depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and changes in libido. While these are just a few of the symptoms that can be experienced by women during this stage in their life, they are significant and can seriously impact a woman’s quality of life, obviously affecting her emotional well-being and behavior coupled with feelings of insecurity and safety. Even though the duration of perimenopause varies from months to years, the impact can continue well into menopause as well.
Research and some anecdotal evidence suggest that divorce rates tend to peak for women during their 40s and 50s, which clearly coincides with the perimenopausal period. While perimenopause cannot be the only trigger or contributing factor to a divorce, there are several factors that we should ponder:
Emotional, Physical, and Psychological Changes: The hormonal shifts during perimenopause can lead to increased irritability, mood swings, depression, anxiety, and sleep problems. These changes in behavior can strain relationships, making it challenging for couples to navigate conflicts and communicate effectively in situations where we can assume there were already underlying issues of the same kind that are just now exacerbated by these contributing factors.
Reassessment of Life Goals: Midlife often prompts individuals to reevaluate their life choices, future and goals. Women experiencing perimenopause may feel a renewed sense of pressure and urgency to move forward in their personal growth, reaching their career aspirations, or other hobbies/interests, sometimes leading to a reevaluation of their marriage.
Physical Symptoms and Intimacy: The physical changes of perimenopause, such as decreased libido and discomfort during intercourse, can obviously affect intimacy in a marriage. This can create feelings of distance or dissatisfaction in the relationship, sometimes contributing to the decision to divorce.
“Empty Nest” Syndrome: For many couples, the perimenopausal years coincide with their children leaving home for college or marriage. This life transition can expose underlying issues in a marriage that were previously overshadowed by parenting and day-to-day life with children still at home.
In reviewing all of these female-driven changes in conjunction with the timing of perimenopause, the challenges of perimenopause in and of itself can strain a marriage, but that does not necessarily mean that it will inevitably lead to divorce. So, what can you do to improve upon your marriage during such a challenging time?
1. Be open to communicating with your spouse by having honest discussions about the changes and challenges associated with perimenopause can foster understanding and support within the relationship. Sharing feelings and concerns helps both partners feel heard and validated.
2. Sometimes professional help is the way to go; outside of the medical needs being addressed, it can be helpful to engage in therapy, whether individual or couples counseling, which provides valuable tools for managing emotional challenges – both in and out of the marriage. Furthermore, therapists and other mental health professionals can help couples improve communication, address conflicts in a healthy way, and develop strategies for maintaining intimacy during the transitional period.
3. Knowledge and understanding are key components to address the physical and emotional aspects of perimenopause; by educating yourself and your spouse, you can reduce misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misinterpretations. Both partners should educate themselves about this life stage and its potential impact on the marriage along with the risks it puts in place for parties who are contemplating divorce.
4. Women experiencing perimenopause should prioritize self-care. We hear it all the time, but how many of us actually put it to use? Everything from meditation, exercise, diet, supplements, and stress management may ease some of the burden. On the other hand, partners, spouses and friends can support each other by being patient, empathetic, and understanding during such a difficult transitional time.
The dangerous intersection and assumptions that could be associated with the onset of perimenopause and a peak in divorce rates underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing the unique challenges of this life stage for both men and women. Marriage is hard. Perimenopause is hard. This time in life offers an opportunity for personal and relational growth – whether that be together or apart.
Nonetheless, if you put in the effort to ensure open communication, seek support when needed, and prioritize mutual understanding, you can navigate this transitional period. Understanding the possible link between perimenopause and slight upticks in divorce rates is crucial in supporting women and couples through this significant phase of life.
Additional (non-legal) discussions are being had on perimenopause; check out Dr. Mary Claire Haver on Huberman Lab’s June 3, 2024 Podcast, “Dr. Mary Haver: How to Navigate Menopause & Perimenopause for Maximum Health.”
LINK TO FOLLOW:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000657643453
Jennifer Ward of WARD FAMILY LAW, LLC is available for a consultation to discuss any challenges you are having in your marriage that include contemplation of divorce. You can email her directly at jward@wardfamilylawchicago.com or at 312-803-5838.
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