The “Married Single Mom”: Navigating Parenthood Alone

Marriage is intended to be a union, and many people assume that includes mutual connection, support, and shared responsibilities. This type of partnership often makes everyday challenges, like raising children, easier to bear. But for many women, this simply isn’t the reality. Despite being married, they are shouldering the full emotional, mental, and physical burden of parenthood on their own. These women are essentially living as single mothers despite being married.

A marriage often looks very different from the outside, and while a couple may seem stable and happy on the surface, one partner, often the woman, may feel alone in the day-to-day grind of raising a family. These feelings are both isolating and confusing, as many people assume you have the support you need and fail to understand the issue.

What Does It Mean to Be a “Married Single Mom”?

A “married single mom” is often considered to be a woman whose spouse is physically present but practically or emotionally unavailable. Common causes may be a partner who:

• Works long hours or is only home in the evenings
• Travels frequently
• Devotes large amounts of time and energy to a career or hobby
• Has difficulty engaging or being hands-on as a parent

These are just a few examples of how the primary duties of the household and parenting may fall onto one partner, usually a “married single mom.”

Why Being a “Married Single Mom” Is an Issue

To some people, especially those who are truly raising a child on their own, this may seem like a minor issue. This is often true if the distant spouse is providing financial support. But the mental and emotional weight of balancing work, household chores, parenting duties, errands, appointments, and more is profound.

Extra work but no support. When the disengaged spouse is dependent on the other for these tasks, like appointments, shopping, cleaning, etc., the workload is increased without additional support. To be in a committed relationship yet feel so alone is a unique kind of emotional strain.

False assumptions. If you find yourself in this position, you may feel as if your struggle is invisible to others. Outsiders see a two-parent household and don’t understand the imbalance and the issues it causes. Friends and family members, while well-intentioned, may even make hurtful comments like “at least you have someone” or “it could be worse.”

The strain on the relationship. Having a spouse who is physically present but uninvolved can create feelings of abandonment, resentment, and loneliness. It’s natural to feel anger or disappointment toward a partner who doesn’t contribute equally to the emotional and physical labor of raising children. As you grow more independent out of necessity, the bond between you and your spouse can weaken, leaving you feeling even more isolated. These challenges must be addressed head-on to avoid the kind of rifts that can lead to a divorce.

Are You a “Married Single Mom?” Tips on Addressing the Issue.

Like many issues in a marriage, addressing a “married single mom” situation begins with both partners recognizing the problem. The day-in and day-out needs of running a household can make it easy to ignore feelings of frustration, but this often leads to greater burnout and more resentment.

An honest conversation is often the first step, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. Avoid blaming or criticizing your spouse and instead focus on expressing your own feelings and needs. Give specific examples of how your spouse can better support you, such as during bedtime routines or coordinating after-school activities.

Finally, create a plan for how responsibilities can be better shared going forward. Solutions might involve rearranging schedules, hiring outside help, or shifting priorities.

Support for Strong Women

Managing parenthood as a “married single mom” takes resilience. While no one wants to be in this scenario, it certainly shows the strength of your character that you are able to carry these burdens. However, being strong doesn’t mean you always have to go it alone. Prioritizing your own well-being and having open conversations with your spouse about your needs are crucial steps in navigating this complex role.

If all of the troubleshooting is not working, seek professional help through family lawyers (Jennifer R. Ward of Ward Family Law, LLC at 312-262-5972 or jward@wardfamilylawchicago.com), therapists, hire a nanny, hire a cleaning service, and engage friends or family to help you.