The “Married Single Mom”: Navigating Parenthood Alone

Being married often conjures images of shared responsibilities, mutual love and support, and the day-to-day partnership at home that makes life’s challenges, like raising children, easier to bear. But for many women, the reality is vastly different. Despite having a spouse, they find themselves navigating parenthood alone, shouldering the emotional, mental, and physical demands of raising children—essentially living the life of a single mom within the confines of marriage.  From the outside, many marriages look stable and supported while on the inside, many women feel alone grinding through the same day every day alone. This paradox is both confusing and isolating. The world assumes you have the help and support of a partner, yet you find yourself managing everything on your own.

So, what does it mean to be a “married single mom”? For many married women, the title of “married single mom” stems from having a spouse who is physically present, oftentimes only in the evenings, but emotionally or practically unavailable. This can happen for various reasons—perhaps your partner works long hours, travels frequently, or is otherwise consumed by their career or weekend hobbies. Maybe they are simply disengaged or distant when it comes to hands-on parenting, engaging with the children, attending children’s sports or school events. Whatever the reason, the burden of raising children and managing the household falls squarely on the married single mom shoulders.

On the surface, this might seem like a privileged problem, especially to those who truly are single parents. After all, you still have a spouse, right? That person is providing for you financially, but the emotional toll is profound. The constant juggling of work, parenting, household chores, errands, transporting children and the mental load of managing schedules, appointments, and crises alone can leave you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. It’s a unique kind of loneliness—being with someone, yet feeling unsupported.

One of the most challenging aspects of being a married single mom is the invisible nature of your struggle. From the outside, people see a two-parent household, and they often assume that the work is shared or that the mom has it so easy to just stay at home all day. But, inside your home, you’re the one handling meals, schedules, tantrums, entertainment, helping with homework, and doing bedtime routines solo. When your spouse is present, but uninvolved, it can amplify feelings of resentment and loneliness creating cracks in the marriage if not addressed head-on. Since society often doesn’t recognize this reality it can feel hard to explain to others. When you vent or share your frustrations, well-meaning friends may suggest you’re being ungrateful or that it “could be worse.” And sure, in some ways, it could be worse—but that doesn’t diminish the very real exhaustion, frustration, and emotional depletion you face; when one partner takes on the majority of the parenting load, resentment often builds. It’s natural to feel anger or disappointment toward a partner who doesn’t contribute equally to the emotional and physical labor of raising children.

You might start to feel like your marriage is no longer a partnership, and over time, this strain can seep into other areas of your relationship.  It’s not just the physical absence that hurts; it’s the emotional distance, too. When you’re knee-deep in the chaos of raising kids and managing a household, it’s easy for your relationship to take a backseat. As you grow more independent out of necessity, the bond between you and your spouse can weaken, leaving you feeling even more isolated.

The first step in addressing this issue is to acknowledge it—both to yourself and to your partner. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day survival mode and push down feelings of resentment or frustration, but that only leads to further burnout. Having an honest conversation with your spouse about the imbalance in your household responsibilities is crucial, even if it feels uncomfortable. Rather than blaming or accusing your spouse, focus on how you feel. Highlight particular areas where you need support—whether it’s bedtime routines, school drop-offs, or managing the family schedule. Concrete examples can help your partner understand the daily load you’re carrying. Lastly, if possible, create a plan where responsibilities are divided more equally. This might involve reworking schedules, hiring outside help, or shifting priorities.

It’s important to recognize your strength and resilience as a married single mom. While it’s certainly not the ideal scenario, your ability to manage it all—despite the challenges—speaks to your inner fortitude. But remember, strength doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone. Prioritizing your own well-being, seeking support, and having open conversations with your spouse about your needs are all crucial steps in navigating this complex role.

If all of the troubleshooting is not working, seek professional help through family lawyers (Jennifer R. Ward of Ward Family Law, LLC at 312-803-5838 or jward@wardfamilylawchicago.com), therapists, hire a nanny, hire a cleaning service, and engage friends or family to help you.